I came across an interesting article written by author Peadar de Burca (male) who interviewed 250 unfaithful men to find out why they, and other men, cheat. Here are a few excerpts from the article:
Why did I interview these men? I wanted to find out why men cheat so that I wouldn't make any mistakes when I met the woman I loved.
The media glorifies seemingly potent, powerful men - Clinton, Rooney, Jagger - no matter how they misbehave. But let me show you what real cheats are like. They're not vital or confident, not deep down. They are the most miserable men on earth. A man who cheats is not a man who is secured by the ballast of maturity and empathy. Many women don't spot these defects. And many women are surprised to know that cheating has little to do with sex. The men I talked to spoke more of 'new experiences'...
What animated their stories was being born again in another's eyes. A new woman meant a new them: briefly they could stop being their old hated self.
What doesn't fade is the thrill of having a secret life, a parallel universe where they are the stars in a movie that is dramatic, full of hidden moments and original scents. The life domestic becomes the life fantastic. Most cheats are escaping the mundane. But the worst ones need to escape themselves.
The persistent cheats want to flee themselves because they hate themselves. They aren't happy. One word to describe a cheat? Insecure. Regardless of looks or income, these men are lacking.
To date, I've spoken to almost 100 women who've been cheated on. Their stories are passionate and honest. Some women were inspring: they moved on from the cheats and blossomed. But many didn't value themselves enough to do anything but put up with it.
While I appreciate the reasons women gave for giving a second chance, I'm not buying them. Money, children, the length of time spent with their husband...these have all been mentioned, but what it really comes down to is belief - many women find it impossible to believe they can go it alone. Here's the news from the front line: most forgiven cheats don't stop. I only met one who did and that was because he became too ill to philander. Cheats are cowards and they exploit weakness. But they fear strength...
I talked to all nationalities. One was a 28-year-old Frenchman called Guy. Not a witty, urban charmer but an uncouth lump, whose face reminded me of a sofa one too many people have sat on. He had one useful feature: self-awareness. 'A man like me, a man who cheats, is a man who tells them everything, but gives them nothing,' he said. A man's actions define him, not his words. It's not what he says to you, it's what he does for you. ' But many women, they like the man who is selfish, they like the man who has problems,' said Guy, who looked like he had many...
You want to know how a man will behave in a relationship? Watch how he behaves around the people who raised him, don't just listen to what he says. How does he interact with his sisters, his mother? How does he value them? The men I talked to showed a startling lack of respect when reflecting on theirs.
Don't focus on his job or income, focus on his energy. Does he make time for those that are close to him? Watch. Maybe you'll find that you do indeed have someone who is interested in being the sort of man that thinks of others rather than his own selfish pleasure.
My research has been turned into a play and soon a book. I hope both will help women believe they can demand a certain standard and behaviour from their men.